Monday, December 2, 2013

Diaries of 68+1 (Final Chapter)

The picture that Ariana creates from Alvin in her mind is more like Romeo in the story of Shakespeare. There is no Pink and no awareness of what has happened to Alvin. Now she wants to become responsible to the only man of her life. Now even buttoning Alvin's shirt up is enjoyable for her. Although Alvin's love has not lessen after what happened between him and Pink, things have changed in comparison to the past, the one past week. Ariana invites Alvin to her house. To her, he is the one she doesn't need to prove herself to. She can be who she is, with all the things she has and she doesn't. The smell of cake and the sound of music in her house convey her message to Alvin. Now she is ready for Alvin. The kiss that he gave to her the last time, makes her feel much more closer to him than before. So she sits beside him and takes his hands and looks in his eyes deeply. Alvin's mind is full of questions that he asks from himself now. “Ariana is lonely. If I break her heart …” and then he answers to himself: “Even if she is lonely, she has enough time to forget it.”  
“Is it funny if I sometimes think that I can be a good wife?”Ariana asks.
“Really?! It is nice.” Alvin is not surprised. “Ariana is not yours anymore, you're with Pink” He thinks by himself and then: “Pink is not loved”
“I think you could smell the cakes I have just cooked. I go to bring them.” She goes to the kitchen and Alvin goes after her like the last time. He stands behind her and gets himself closer than ever to her. Ariana feels that this time is different from the last time. Maybe a different feeling is here. Alvin circles his hands around Ariana and starts kissing her neck violently. He attaches himself completely to her from behind. He unbuttons her pant and undresses Ariana's bottoms. For one moment something suffers his mind: “Ariana is not your hobby.” Alvin tries to enjoy of what he has. Soon Ariana feels the warmth of a manly hand which touches her naked groin and the area around her sex organ. An enjoyable and new feeling that makes her opens her mouth a little. a feeling that gives identity to her beauty and feminine elegance. But a mixed sense of sin and pleasure is capturing them. Ariana has the feeling because she is unfaithful to her religion and Alvin has the feeling because he is unfaithful to Ariana and Pink. “How do you feel my girl?” Alvin asks calmly. 
“I love you!” She moans like says. Suddenly he hates himself. He hates his behavior. He leaves Ariana and goes to the restroom with a red face. There he masturbates to reduce and turn off his erotic feeling and takes his control. After he comes out from the restroom he founds Ariana looking at him seriously. It means a big WHY. “I'm sorry but I don't think I can fulfill your expectations.” Ariana wants to make fun of him by saying “school child” but instead she says: “Who do you think I am? A sex machine?” her voice is trembling. Knowing the truth is her right but now she is not able to hear what she has to. Alvin prefers to say some of the truth. “Maybe I can't be a good husband for you.”
“Do you sleep with somebody else?” She stops for a moment and continues: “When you were sad that day I didn't want you to tell the reason. But what now?”
“I'll tell you if you insist. I'll tell you everything but I beg you not to insist.”
“Is there anybody except me in his life?” She asks herself but she doesn't have the courage to even know about it.
“I made a mistake.” He says.
“I don't know him. I don't know lots of things about him.” She thinks. “You are a liar Alvin.”
“Isn't your Yippie father that surely is one of the 60s’ survivors is a lie? He says angrily.
“I haven't seen him but I just heard so. Why is it important for you now?” She coolly replies. “It is my fault. It is my fault too.”Ariana thinks so. Alvin leaves the house and leaves Ariana alone with the smell of cake, sound of music and sign of his kisses on her neck.

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