Diaries of 68+1 (Chapter 10)

Alvin goes to Ariana’s house without an invitation the next time. His eyes are tired red and his outfit is untidy. He hugs her without any words and puts his head on her shoulder. “Ariana, I want you to know that I am so tired. I need an extreme rest.” Each time he is sad he says “I need an extreme rest” instead of saying “I extremely need a rest.” Ariana hears him breathe shortly and rapidly. For a moment she caresses his hair and tries to look him in the eye. “Alvin …” Despite being stressed she tries to pacify him with her smile. While Alvin playing with her hair like a child he says:”Just don't ask me, that's it.” Some minutes pass like this. “Now I feel much better. I think I forgot to say hello.” Alvin says. And Ariana responds with a broad smile that can show her white tooth. Alvin takes a perfume out of his pocket and says: “I hope you accept this gift. I am sorry I was really in the blue.” This is like what boys do for their girlfriends in Ariana’s mind. She is not ready for such a thing. But now her heart fully belongs to Alvin and she likes him to be completely hers. So she did not want to thank him just by words. Still, she just says: “Thank you very much!”
“Will you bend your head and close your eyes?”
“Another gift?” He says nothing and she does what he said. Now Alvin kisses her lips softly. “Sorry!” He says and leaves the house. Ariana opens her eyes and touches her lips. She doesn't know if she must enjoy her love gift or become ashamed. She wants to live with this beautiful and nice feeling forever.

Diaries of 68+1 (Chapter 9)

Alvin sends a message to Ariana. “Which door of the city belongs to your house? Which meetinghouse is your meetinghouse?” Alvin believes that he is not created to play in the funfair and maybe that is why he thinks of Ariana in different way. Ariana wants to be loved by someone and be important for him. She likes to talk to someone rather than God. “Alvin is not religious but he is an honest guy.” Ariana thinks. People often try to bypass the faults of the ones they love. Ariana is not sure about what she decides to do. She invites Alvin to her house. She has a little house with cheap furniture and an old television which reminds Alvin of the 80s. Still, Alvin feels surprisingly comfortable there. It feels like that time stops and nothing exists outside. Nothing is waiting for spending time outside the house. But Ariana is a little bit nervous and Alvin feels that. Ariana goes to the kitchen to make a coffee and at the same time control her stress. Alvin turns the television on while sitting on the sofa. But after a while he stands up and goes to the kitchen.
“It gets ready in some minutes.” She says with a gentle smile.
“No! I am not in a hurry to drink the coffee, I am here to see how you make it “
“Like others. Maybe a little bit slower.” Even if she does it like others, she treats different from them in Alvin's mind. Ariana can feel him looking at her. She likes the moment to be continued forever and never stops. Even one more minute can be a gift for her.

Diaries of 68+1 (Chapter 8)

One of the university friends of Alvin is a girl whom he calls Pink. It isn't her real name but he has chosen this name for her. She is a child novelist and has a theory in this field of study. She thinks that children are the best creatures for playing because they believe it as a fact. She has a middle height, her hair color is like the color of wheat and she has a childlike face that one can believe that the soul of childhood is alive inside her. One day while the professor was teaching in the class Pink gave a hand note to Alvin and wanted him to complete it. An uncompleted erotic fiction:
“Judy and Eddy both enter the institute at non official time. They are alone in there. Judy sits on a chair and rolls down her pantyhose up to her knee. She seems to be a little bit nervous. Like someone who wants to finish an undone task. And Eddy even doesn't know what she wants to do …” Even eating is more exiting in forbidden time and area. And it was the only reason that persuades Alvin to write: “Eddy feels itchy on his Pennis.” And then gives the note back to Pink. “Itchy? It's funny.” She murmurs and continues the story like this: “Judy starts to touch herself slowly.” Now it's Alvin's turn. “He began to remove her clothes when he gets arousal because a white girl wearing a blue vest is looking at his black and naked body.” This exchanging erotic writing continues till the end of class.

Diaries of 68+1 (Chapter 7)

A café placed in a chain store is friendly enough but not romantic enough for the meeting in Alvin's mind. So that is a situation which she would accept. “Doesn't Ariana wear socks like other young girls?” Alvin thinks to himself. And when she comes with the same dress as the last time. Alvin looks at her shoes, first. Her old shoes attracts him more than her naked feet. For a moment he finds his way of looking childish. Ariana doesn't need to be checked by him. He belongs to another world and Ariana is not looking for what she doesn't know in an unknown world. Alvin treats like a key maker who tries to open a lock with the help of different keys. So he regrets about what he has told about Jesus Christ. “I don't want to disregard the truth. The beauty of religion lies in its free choice.” “Look Alvin, I am a Catholic and you know that I am going to become a nun but I am not bigoted to Catholicism. So I even like some of Martin Luther's words. You know him, don't you?” 
“Are you a Catholic?”
“Yep, what do you mean?”
“I mean don't you want to marry and become a mother?” The way she thinks is surprising for Alvin. Maybe he thinks that the people who think differently from him look different than her!
“Well, it is good to become a mother or can have a good family but each person has her own way.”
“But Virgin Mary was a mother.”
“She was different. Catholic is a discipline like law, I can't break its rules.”
“Well, I'm not going to defend the right of becoming a mother for a young nun because the beauty of religion lies in its free choice.” But in fact Ariana thinks about it too. But she always tried to accept it without any reason just as a fact. On the other hand, Alvin thinks that a non started story can have different endings. And Ariana is not yet a nun. Alvin moves a step forward and asks her to invite him to her home. “For sure Ariana will feel more secure in her home “ He thought.
In her point of view, this request is as unserious as a cartoon. But she answers like: “I rarely invite a guest to my home.”
“So I hope for a day not to be considered as a guest, especially to you.”
This sentence is meaningful to Ariana.

Diaries of 68+1 (Chapter 6)

Now Alvin has less time than before to protest in Wall Street. He is not lazy but it is difficult for him to make a balance between university and movement. Alvin has never been patient but he wants to be united with patience and time because of Ariana. Some people like to read a nice story. But he prefers to live inside a nice one. Nonetheless he thinks that Ariana is an in-experienced girl who can't refuse all requests. So he calls her and wants to meet her in a friendlier place. They have met four days ago for the last time. In fact she doesn't like to treat like other girls by the way she wants to have such a meeting. But she needs a reasonable reason for having such a meeting with Alvin. His request is friendly but he uses serious sentences. The meaning of this request is unspoken words that he wanted to tell her. He is so serious in stating the subject she doesn't know about that allows her to accept it.

Diaries of 68+1 (Chapter 5)

It is night for both Alvin and Ariana after a common memory at university. Ariana sits on her broken bed where she can look at the little hall of her home lighting up with a white light. “He wants to meet me again “Ariana thinks to herself and smiles for a moment. A new feeling is growing up in her. Although she is a religious person but she is like all her peers. But she empties her mind from this subject very soon. “Don't forget Ariana that you are not like other girls to experience everything.” She says to herself. She prefers to focus on something more important. Maybe her mind is not used to start a love experience. At the moment Alvin is reading a book that he has already read a lot like it in his hand. But he likes to experience a new taste in his life. From the moment Ariana explained her past for Alvin, this tenderness started in him, tenderness to accept responsibilities and discover. Maybe Ariana was the book that Alvin is trying to read. For a person who has got all his life opportunities easily, it is not difficult to be courageous enough to experience new tastes.

Diaries of 68+1 (Chapter 4)

University was a different place for a girl whose experience of social places was limited to school and church. That day Alvin's identity was also different to Ariana. “Someone whose teacher or teachers perhaps are political analysts in CNN, Fox News and … ” She thoughts.  
Alvin preferred one of the university empty classrooms to meet her. Ariana knew about Christine or she just thought that she knew but she founds herself in an unknown academic society. Ariana tried to hide her inner stress with an empty smile. Alvin started the conversation with a question:
“It is told that whoever believes is Jesus Christ will go to Paradise. Is that right?”
“Sure”
“So a member of Wall Street who believes is Jesus Christ will go to Paradise despite his sins, right?”
“We are not God and cannot judge others.”
“I am sorry but I think Jesus Christ is not honest. He tells you not to commit a sin, he wants the poor not to do prostitution but at last he will bless your Yippie father's sins, the one who you didn't even want to talk about, just for he believes in Jesus Christ. Maybe Jesus also seeks power like others.”
It wasn't difficult for her to be patient in such a situation.
“What do you know about my father?” She paused for a moment. Alvin blamed himself for what he said but he remained silent. Ariana continued: “I have lived with my grandma from my childhood; do you want to know why?” Ariana gazing at the door and said: “I am a bitter result of a young couple experience who got mom and dad much more earlier than you can imagine.” Soon after Ariana put her hand on her brow and felt like being humiliated for she reviled all her life secrets easily. “Did you want to know it?!” Alvin was sorry to make her explain everything that she wanted to hide. For a couple of minutes, silence was the only voice. It started raining and it broke the silence. Ariana preferred to connect her life experience to her knowledge about Jesus Christ in order to correct the created picture of herself in Alvin's mind. So she said: “If my parents really believed in Jesus Christ and needed him, they never made that mistake.”
“How can you be this certain? Is it what is written in Bible?”
“Don't tell me what is written in Bible. I know it all.”
Alvin was going far from Ariana as he went near Jesus Christ. At this moment two students entered the classroom. It seemed that a class was going to start. Ariana stood up. “Can we meet again?” He asked. 
“We can be in touch”

Diaries of 68+1 (Chapter 3)

Alvin found Ariana sitting on an Investment Consulting Company stairway. Protest could be a good subject to start a conversation in such a situation. There was no need to a special introduction.
“You think how many more days do we have to continue protesting here?” Alvin asked Ariana .
“I didn't think someone who talks about the American Dream, asks such a question.”
“So you heard my words.”
“Yes, but I wonder why you compared our movement with 68’s movement.”
“What do you know about 68’s movement?”
“I only know Marin Luther King and my dad who was a Yippie, right?”
“You forgot to mention the students; I mean SDS and Tom Hayden!”
“Because I didn't know about them.”
“So you said that you are a Yippie’s daughter not Rupert Murdoch's!” 
“Right, I was.”
“And now?”
“Never mind”
“I didn't introduce my self. I am Alvin.”
“Ariana”
“You always come here Ariana?”
“This is my second home, after the church.”
“99%”
“Outside here all of us are a part of 1%”
Alvin taking out a cigarette from his cigarette pack and respond: “You know that my apartment is outside here!”
“Would you please not smoke Alvin?”
He put the cigarette in his packet and goes:
“If you were supposed to be the Mayer I would vote for you. “That's because I didn't let you light your cigarette?”
He just gazing at the protesters and smiled.
For a couple of minutes they didn't say a word. Ariana looked around bored.
“Do you work?” Alvin asked Ariana.
They didn't look at each other.
“Yes, but a part-time one. I am going to become a nun very soon.” The young lady that attracted Alvin, now was making him curious but he just said:
“I work part-time too. “ At that moment.
“Are you looking for a better job?”
“Yea, but the situation will be the same until I graduate next year. You know everything about Christine for sure. Don't you?” “Sufficient but not perfect.”
“I want to know more about Christine.”
“Bible!”
But Alvin was not looking for the Jesus Christ.
“I know Bible Jesus Christ but I want to know yours.”
Ariana didn't want her knowledge and belief in Jesus to be challenged but she couldn't think of a second choice.
“Do you want to talk about Jesus?”
“Yes, in another time and a better place.”
Ariana wasn't sure about his willingness but she didn't say a word. Alvin knew well that he could not invite Ariana to his apartment so he suggested university for another meeting.
“Maybe this is a heavenly examination for me.” She thought and accepted the invitation.

Diaries of 68+1 (Chapter 2)

Days of movement passed by protesters' speeches and sometimes the security forces. The movement was a part of routine life for most of people. But the most alive days of this city were the days passing by at nights. It was 10:37 am and some are yet sleeping across the city because they were night fighters! At the same time Alvin, student of Economics in Columbia university, stood on a stage crossing his hands and was delivering a speech. “We are not contemporary with Che and Jean-Luc Godard. We've learned philosophy from the streets of this city, not Marx. We are the inheritors of 68’s Global Movement but we are not dreamers, because we want to build the history. And we are the American Dream.” Some heard his voice, some didn't. Some remembered and some forgot. But Ariana remembered his face.

Diaries of 68+1 (Chapter 1)

A  student, surely one of those who said we are the 99% in Wall Street movement. Those who have seen him can remember him like this: a young man with messy medium length hair and a tidy outfit but an unshaved face. And a lovely voice specially in pronouncing some words. Seemed like he put his tongue close to his palate . But he only heard one person. The one who was saying: “We didn't say why, so we are responsible and maybe a little bit defendant.” She was one of the ordinary girls that cried: “Today we forget ‘me’ to create the movement.” “I am not Rupert Murdoch’s daughter to become important. I scream, I shout to be heard, because non of us owns a media.” The young student of Economics was just looking.

My view on 50 Shades of Grey

A few days ago one of my friends told me about 50 Shades of Grey book:”This book is a crime”. In response, I said that it is more like a ridiculous game. But yesterday I saw (Salo, 120 days of Sodom) a film by Pasolini, I found that how much a person with sick mind can be dangerous to society. Undoubtedly, above-mentioned film depicts the actual image of the sick mind whose violence and forcing peoples to inhuman treatment is for their sexual arousal. While 50 Shades of Grey present patterns of BDSM that is against human nature. Though that doesn't mean we can always enjoy variety or violence. BDSM is dangerous when any applied innovation and violence is connected to the concept of pleasure. A mind capable of enjoying any innovation or violence presented as BDSM certainly could not have instructive interaction with the community or in association with others including family and friends. If we believe that soldiers enjoy torturing prisoners at Abu Ghraib prison in Iraq, So we make sure that what is written or a film which is made can be work more than a hobby for a lot of people.