Lucy's Room (Final Chapter)

Eric introduced me to a film maker and I'm supposed to play in a 8 minute rule in a long movie. I sacrificed my character to enjoy life like many others. But now I can see all of my happiness are somewhere outside me while it was no longer new to me anymore. I'm afraid of the fact that I'm not myself and I'm not satisfy of the mood that I'm in. I sent a text message to Tommy.
- I have no doubt to big bang theory cuz I create it by myself.
After an hour he replied:
- For some who always said: In the name of brother, sister and a monster, it's not a surprise. 
-  Do you know what does it mean if I send you only (…) Tommy? 
- When every thing that you want to say is lock. 
- (…) 

Lucy's Room (Chapter 14)

The positive of badness for me is breaking the traditions. The excitement of sport doubles when violence and danger add it on, like football. This also applies to sex. Even if I want to be against some of my experiences, I can't be against BDSM. Because… When my eyes were closed and I didn't know that the next hit is pain, pleasure or both, where my moans were mixed with passion and pain. Under the bondage, he had my control. My thirst to sexual satisfaction went to the top when he started licking me. All of my existence expected for a fast hard thing to dart and surround my vagina and convert all of my desire to gratification but he didn't dipped his sharp inside me while my hands was tide up. Then he stopped licking and freed up my feet. I needed to the first move to raise my served moan and orgasm. I was trying to rub my vagina by my heel. I was biting my lips and at a moment I had no fear, no shame and no choice against the sound of sex DJ that took over my body and sense. At a moment I was nobody.

Lucy's Room (Chapter 13)

I sleep with my bald and old Hollywood and wake up with my dreamy Hollywood. The voice I've never heard from myself now flashes back in my mind. When he said frequently "Rise your breathe Lucy, rise, rise" 
It was only my moan that took over the room. All of my body, voice and even breath could find a new meaning under the orgasm theme. It was me, the girl whom I never knew her. I'm one who enjoy of her existence, when there's no limit to joy but joy.

Lucy's Room (Chapter 12)

It was late night and while I was sleeping, I felt pressure on my butt that woke me up. It was Eric...  
- No, don't, don't touch! (I cried) 
- Why?! Are you worried that I may burn myself, babe?
Then he locked my arms by his hands. 
- Enjoy Lucy. If you don't want to know yourself as a sexual victim for your whole life.
His bald head smacked my cheek. 
- Enjoy of sexual inhale and exhale. Lucy, Lucy. (he whispered)
Then he grabbed my tits from my T-shirt, the only thing that I was wearing. It was hard and I didn't want to be a doll for him. So, I closed my fingers to my vagina because I wanted to enjoy of myself. It made him wild and it was the reason that I lost my virginity. 

Lucy's Room (Chapter 11)

Ten days have passed since new life and new room. I find Eric a reasonable man. Amazingly he always has answer to everything. Once I asked him about romance scene at movies. I was wondering how it could be possible for a married woman to kiss another man at a movie. In my mind it can break a relationship at any stage.
- Make no sense is our motto. We're not representative of low culture, Lucy!
- Is it possible?
- It's a rule Lucy, It's a rule. We all condemn cheaters. So, an actor has to separate his sense from his body and act.
- It doesn't matter what label you put on this. Kissing is kissing!
- So, if an actor shows you anger through his rule, does it mean he is really angry?! There's a border between performing and acting. A movie star is not a porn star to perform at any unrated scenes.
- You know Eric that I don't have any problem with such things. But I'm really worried about people opinion about me.
- People are the best judge. They know difference. It's the reason that they live with celebrities but they may only enjoy of pornography.
- How sure are you about this?
- You listen to music, watch movies and maybe enjoy of pornography…
- Oh, what a heck Eric!
- Like others. Exactly! But what do you want to be? A porn star?!
- I knew you're the one who I can trust him.
- Clear as mud Lucy?! 
- No, I got it.

Lucy's Room (Chapter 10)

The man whom I met was about sixty years old. Somehow I picture the 70's when I saw him even though I didn't live then. I was introduced to him by a friend.
- You must be Lucy, Lucy Cannon, right? 
- Hello, Mr. Cutler. Yea, I'm Lucy Cannon. 
- Call me Eric.
- Eric! OK. 
- So, you said, you want to be a star?
- In fact you told me that Eric.
- I'm sorry but I don't want to be a star. I'm a manager
- Hehe… I know you are. But you told me that I can be a star.
- Well, every pretty girl can be a star.
- But it's different about me. Not?
- If you want to be star, you need a god but not one of those who forgive your sins.
- Let me tell you a truth Eric, I really want it all and I believe if I want something I do everything for it. But, I really don't know how. - I would arrange interviews with media and make proper introduction to film makers and publishers.
- So…
- So, I have a personal studio in my house. I can take some picture from you.

I was suspicious to him, but I didn't want to lose my chance. Taking risk is part of life and sometimes there's no time to be sure.

- Where should we go now, Eric?
- Not so far Lucy. He took some shot from me and then he asked: "How old are you Lucy?"
- sixteen
- That's so nice. But it's better not to go any future.
It's true I had self exploration on Internet. But I was there undetected. It made me to believe he's a trustable person. So, when he asked me to stay at his house despite the fact that I'm not an outdoor girl, I accept his invitation. With the exception of living in a new room there was nothing else there for me. But Eric was the same person who I needed to count on his help. So, I don't know if I should have told him a no.

Lucy's Room (Chapter 9)

He didn't sleep in my room anymore. The room that many guys have seen it through me now. I woke up late and I find Tommy watching TV. It was clear for me he's upset with me. So, I wet a tissue and tried to clean his eyes as before when I was twelve year old and he was sixteen.
- If you care Tommy, I didn't want to lose my mind as Jack Nicholson in ‘The shining’.
- It's all nonsense. Please don't continue.
- No problem Tommy. No problem. I'm going my angry bird brother!
I've wished to tell him I'm going to meet someone who I don't know is a liar or a manager. I've wished…

Lucy's Room (Chapter 8)

Without knocking at the door, he came to my room. Tommy, brother why you? It was an accident for him but recording a video wasn't an accident for me. He might say sorry but I had to say something else.
- Oh, Lucy I'm so sorry. ( He said rapidly )
- ( I stared at his eyes )
- ( While diverting his eyes to the ground ) Is it a camera? - Does it make a problem for you?
- ( His body started trembling ) What's inside?
- Me ( I said calmly ) For a min there was nothing except silence. 
- I want to see it. - ( While I trying to get dressed ) Why don't you leave my room Tommy? 
- Even if I want I can't. 
- What are you afraid of Tommy?
- I'm afraid of you. 
- But I'm not afraid of myself. 
- Because you're a crazy sixteen year old girl. ( He shouted ) 
- ( I looked away from him ) I'm not! He didn't continue for a while and I didn't say anything. We both didn't want to break some rules. Because we both wanted to keep each others image of what we knew before. But he cuts silence… 
- Show me what you did, Lucy
- I'm not sure. 
- Why? Because I'm your brother?! You didn't get embarrassed?! ( His voice was cold ) 
- Because I want you to see me like before ( I was sobbing )
- You put it on Internet, right?!
- I'm just your sister. 
- How can I introduce you to my friends now?
- Friends?! Do you have any?
- You wished I had none.
- So, you must know if your friends watch this type of video on Internet they have no problem with me, and if not like you, they'll never know me.

Lucy's Room (Chapter 7)

The hands of my wristwatch have more power to break this deathly silence. The silence that even thought wouldn't dare enough to break. So, I've done my first self exploration on Internet. I have needed something to export myself. I'm not one of those teenagers who are curious or crazy about sex. I couldn't believe it's me who has received such comments.

Lucy's Room (Chapter 6)

And Now I'm alone with my brother in here. The new state welcomed me. A new room was prepared for me. He works from dawn to dark and I don't know what interested him to become independent. While I see there's nothing especial in his life. He said: “I try to spend more time with you. But I think if he does so, it's because he has no other option in his life to spend his time for it.

Lucy's Room (Chapter 5)

I'm going to my brother Tommy next days. No one is waiting for me in here. So, there's no reason to stay here. I talked to him this morning. And I told him that I want to leave here. His answer was direct.
- Do you know how to cook?
- Only heating up.
- This means “no”.
- Do you live alone Tommy?
- Yea… The door is open for you!
- …
- Well, are you still a monster, Lucy?
- Oh, Gaga?! I wish I could.
- And I wish I had the same feeling.
- About Gaga?
- No.
- I know. About mom and dad.
- So, you know by yourself.
- It's hard for me.
- ( Deep breathing ) Lucy! Mom and dad, good or not good, are not everything by the way.
- I don't know… hmm I don't know. 

Lucy's Room (Chapter 4)

I didn't come back home last night and no one called me. It was the first night that I didn't sleep at home with any call. But no one was even interested to know where I was. I came back home after school and told to my mom: 
- Mmm… I guess I forgot to…
- What's the matter Lucy?
- Last night!
- Oh, Lucy. You're a big girl now. No need to mention.
- Really?! Could it be your reaction if Harry does the same I did? Without any call.
- Oh, it's different.
- What about Dad?
- It's about the same, Lucy.
- But, I don't think so. I'm sure you would say “Oh, Mike I trust you don't need to tell me everything”. Wouldn't you? Every thing is difference about Harry but not dad and not me.
- It's not a big deal Lucy. What's wrong?!
- If you had this chance to divorce me, would you…
- Are you crazy?
- ( Silence )
- This is not a divorce but like many fathers and mothers who left their family for someone or something else, I could do that.
- I don't believe it
- What are you looking for Lucy?
- Home.
- We are home.
- We were. 

Lucy's Room (Chapter 3)

For me Harry is only Harry and nothing more. But for her… There's a wall between me and Harry. It's not easy for me to see her doing the same with Harry that did it with my father. When I'm not angry with my father and I just find him a looser that can't find any solution except leaving everything behind. Mom doesn't treat me as I'm five years old because I'm not. Mom doesn't treat my father as her husband because he's not because he has changed and she has changed.  

Lucy's Room (Chapter 2)

Everything happens suddenly. I was still unborn that I was told “you have to born”. It was my home, where I could describe it with Father, Mother and me. And now a new member is at our home. Harry. Not Harry Potter. Mom goes out with him and I told her to buy a pen for me. 
 -Pen?!
- Yea, Red please, can you buy?
- No problem
In fact I don't need it, I need her. I need to believe she is the same. 

Lucy's Room (Chapter 1)

My story begins from here, where I live in my dreams and suddenly I fall into the sea while I'm not a swimmer. Mother doesn't recognize my father as her husband anymore. My father left house to renew a life for himself without his past including me, my mom and brother. But it was different for mom because she had begun her new life from months and maybe year ago with a copy man. This photocopy could take away my entire image of life. In my mind he's not original, even if he is. Yesterday my mom told me that I can go out with my father but you had to know I can't invite him to our house. -Why? I asked.
-Because he's your father but for me…
-No more relative mom, true?
-Exactly, I'm not in his private life and his not in mine.
-But, am I in your private life with a stranger while I'm living in here?
-I don't know its just normal. Every one calls it normal and so do i.
-The father of your daughter is a stranger and forbidden to come home but a stranger to me can be more close to me at this holy house!
-Lucy, Lucy. I'm your mother and love you but a relative never forbids us to have our own life, our own job and our choice.